I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
