people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
