So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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