brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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