Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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