party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
