the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
