You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he had hair everywhere except his balls
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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