She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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