there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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