I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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