Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
