Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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