Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
