Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
