not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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