She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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