I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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