i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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