the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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