I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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