Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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