..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
