i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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