We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
