I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
