4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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