awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
only you would photoshop your dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
