I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
