I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
