So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
