my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
