At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
