Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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