there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
