I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
