you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
