Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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