in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
