he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
