Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
