i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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