I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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