So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found your dick twin last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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