I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
