i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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