We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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