Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
