It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
