so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
