grandma shit on top of the toilet
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
