yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
