so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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