Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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