rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
