Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
