just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
