Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
