I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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