somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
