I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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