If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
