Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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