Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
