apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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