you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
