you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
