Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My life is pants optional.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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