We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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