so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
