There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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