Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize