I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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